Palm Springs Swings

Mary Blow-No

US Representative Mary Bono Mack's tireless quest for the title of "America's Most Useless Elected Official" took an especially surreal turn yesterday (April 11), when the Palm Springs Republican called a press conference to publicly denounce a product called "Blow Energy Drink Mix".

Never mind that Riverside County is being hit hard by the George W. Bush-led recession and its attendant skyrocketing gas prices; never mind that the Iraq War — which Bono Mack continues to blithely support as if it were some sort of jolly foreign exchange field trip — is bankrupting our country and killing our soldiers, with no end in sight. Apparently, Bono Mack is far more concerned about the fact that some semi-imaginative entrepreneur is using nudge-nudge wink-wink cocaine references to market a powdered energy drink mix.

And leave it to the always-exemplary Desert Sun to give her press conference front page coverage, as if she'd announced the creation of a major energy bill or legislation to help assist upside-down mortgage holders in the Coachella Valley. In doing so, the paper and Bono Mack managed to give a priceless amount of free publicity and advertising to a product that most of us had never even heard of before. Well played all around...

In a particularly classy moment at the press conference, the Congresswoman even resorted to openly insulting the drink's founder, one Logan Gola. "To me, Mr. Gola is clearly a scumbag," she said, sounding more than a little like someone who's just realized they've been shorted a gram or two. Well, honey, at least Mr. Gola didn't literally sleep his way to a Congressional seat...

The Beatdown Goes On?

In one of the stranger news developments in recent memory, a former FBI agent is claiming that Sonny Bono wasn't done in ten years ago by a tragic ski accident on the Nevada slopes. Rather, he says, the former Palm Springs Mayor was "assassinated" by hired hitmen, who ambushed him, clubbed him to death and then made it look like a skiing mishap.

The former agent, who has been researching Bono's accident for the past decade, said top officials linked to an international drug and weapons ring feared the singer-turned-politician was about to expose their crimes - so they had him killed on the slopes... investigator Bob Fletcher had also confessed he sent evidence of a 10-year study that linked top US government officials to arms and weapons dealers to Bono less than a month before his death, the Globe reported.

(Bono) was going to make it his No.1 priority... There's no doubt in my mind Sonny was murdered by someone who needed him silenced," [said] Mr Fletcher.

Methinks Mr. Fletcher may have watched Sonny's 1979 TV movie Murder In Music City a few too many times, because — given his political career — it's hard to imagine Cher's ex-husband actively crusading against anything more dangerous than thong bathing suits. Still, it'll be interesting to see how Rep. Mary Bono Mack will react to Fletcher's call for opening a homicide investigation.

Government Computers In Internet Porn Shocker!!!

Wow, when political scandal rains, it totally pours.

Not only has the Governor of New York just been busted for patronizing REALLY EXPENSIVE prostitutes, but this late-breaking, earth-shaking Desert Sun item reports that a former top-level Coachella Valley Mosquito and Vector Control District administrator now claims that "a top manager regularly accesses Internet pornography from his work computer, often for hours and visiting dozens of such sites on many days."

The former administrator also claims that he saw said top manager making babies in the broom closet with his secretary, and he saw the babies, and one of the babies looked at him.

Bombay Beach Boogie

(Also posted at La Vie En Robe)

After years of talking about it, Carole and I (along with our visiting sibs-in-law Tom and Sherry) finally got our asses out to the Salton Sea this past Sunday to do a bit of exploring. One of SoCal's biggest evironmental conundrums, the current version of Salton Sea — there's evidence that there was another, smaller one three hundred years ago called Lake Cahuilla — has higher saline levels than any of our oceans, and is slowly dying as a result. Various attempts to turn the Sea into a popular recreation destination have foundered through the years, the most famous example being the Albert Frey-designed North Shore Yacht Club, which was built in 1958 but was already long abandoned by the time the Seventies rolled around.

Of course, the Yacht Club was the first stop on our excursion. The place seemed less creepy than I would have expected, but then again it was a sunny day; I imagine that the graffiti-covered, boarded up structure emits a much more malevolent vibe once the cold and clouds roll in. The Sea itself is absolutely gorgeous and peaceful, surrounded by purple mountains and home to an amazing variety of birds, including some very active pelicans; you can totally see why people would want to turn the spot into a vacation funland. Of course, when you look down at the ground, and realize that the "beach" is entirely made up of bleached shells, bones and salt deposits, it starts to feel a little less inviting.

People do still make it out to the Salton Sea for recreation, apparently — we saw a couple of beaches lined with RVs — and an intrepid few even live there year-round, in tiny communities like the unincorporated Bombay Beach. Founded in 1929 as a private development, Bombay Beach was actually a fairly happening spot until 1977, when tropical storms caused the Salton Sea to rise. An entire mobile home park wound up underwater, and you can still see the remains of the disaster today. Coming over the hill to beach was a true "Holy Shit!" moment, as we were suddeny surrounded by the rusting shells of old trailers and other debris. And, of course, there was an old organ just sitting there surreally in the middle of it all, as if the floodwaters had caused the local Jimmy Smith to abandon the instrument in mid-gig. I couldn't resist the photo op...

After rooting around the trailer graveyard for awhile, we slaked our thirst at the Ski Inn, one of Bombay Beach's two restaurants. It was the first place I'd been in years (decades?) that actually served Natural Light, but they also had a decent variety of things on tap — I had a Fat Tire, served up in a mason jar — and a round of beers for four people set us back only $7.75. The Sunday buffet spread looked a little dubious, but the folks were friendly, and for a few minutes it seemed like Bombay Beach wouldn't be the worst place to retire when the time comes. Of course, actually waking up there on a hundred-degree morning, with a vicious hangover and the smell of dead Tilapia in your nostrils, might have you singing a different tune.

It was truly a great day, best of '08 so far. For more pics of our expediation, check out my Flickr set here.

Osteria Cipolline

Many of us shed a drunken tear or three back in the summer of 2004, when we found out that Banducci's Bit of Italy was closing its doors for good. Carole and I never really went there for the food, which was passable red-checkered-tablecloth Italian, at best. But the scene was amazing — especially around the piano bar, where retired showgirls and one-armed veterans alike would participate in the sort of egalitarian karaoke jams that they'd never allow at Melvyn's. We'll never forget eating in the restaurant's main room as a particularly eye-watering version of Crystal Gayle's "Don't It Make My Brown Eyes Blue" wafted out from the bar; a ghostly female voice sang it in a high (and extremely sharp) soprano, while the piano player rolled over the keys as if his hands were clad in oven mitts, and somebody else was playing harmonica in an entirely incorrect key. I was laughing so hard, I almost passed linguini through my nose.

Over three years after Banducci's sad demise, a new Italian restaurant has finally opened in the same spot at 1260 S. Palm Canyon in Palm Springs — Osteria Cipolline. After scoping it out via drive-bys for several weeks, Jenn and I decided to give it a go last night. For us Banducci's lovers, the experience was a little unsettling at first; the bones and layout of the place are pretty much the same (though they've knocked out the wall between the piano bar and the main room), but the innate tastefulness of the new interior took a bit of getting used to. The chianti bottles, plastic grape vines and framed Paris posters (sic) that decorated Banducci's are long gone, replaced by generic "modern" paintings and exposed ceiling beams; both the piano bar and regular bar now have polished granite counters, which make you feel like you're having a drink at a high-end home furnishings store rather than at a cozy neighborhood bar.

The service, though, was warm and friendly, and the chicken marsala was considerably fresher and tastier than anything I'd ever had at Banducci's. (Can't say the same for the accompanying angel hair pasta, though — it was significantly overcooked, and came in a light tomato sauce that was pretty bland.) I was tempted to try the cioppino, though I wasn't willing to take the chance on a $28 entree, even if it did come with salad and pasta. Jenn liked her chicken parmesan enough to ask for a doggy bag, but we were a little bummed out by the lack of cannoli on the dessert menu. Tiramisu, creme brulee, and BOSTON CREAM PIE (I shit you not!), but no cannoli? C'mon...

Overall, our dinner at Osteria Cipolline an enjoyable experience, and I got a nice warm shiver of nostalgia when the piano player (who was wearing a tux) kicked into a very Roger Williams-esque version of Roger Whitaker's "The Last Farewell". But frankly, I'm not sure if I'd go there again. I guess I know how an old pagan felt when he returned to the location of his humble former temple, only to see an opulent church erected in its place; it's nice, all right, but it doesn't feel much like home. 

Would You Like Fries With That?

According to The Desert Sun, a wave of hamburglary is sweeping the Coachella Valley — several different fast food joints have been robbed by armed assailants in the last three months, leading officials to suspect that all of these incidents are the work of the same criminal genius. (Okay, maybe minus the "genius" part.)

Two Carl's Jr.'s, a Del Taco and a McDonald's have been hit so far. Will the new Sonic in Cathedral City be next? If only Palm Springs voters had wised up and voted for Mayor McCheese in the last election, this reign of terror would surely be over with by now...

I'm guessing that the Fatburger over on Ramon has nothing to worry about, though — it takes so fucking long to get served there, even a gun-toting desperado would eventually storm out in frustration...

Welcome to Palm Springs

We here in the El Rancho Vista Estates got a letter from the Dept of Public Works announcing the city's plan to develop the vacant land at the southwest corner of Vista Chino and Gene Autry. As previously reported here, included in the plans are a bocce ball court. Woo woo. But also included in the plan is a welcome sign. In the letter, the city planners invite us to stop by City Hall from 2-5pm on Friday, January 11 in the large conference room and see what is being planned. Plans will be on view and allegedly City staff will be there to explain plans and answer questions. I think I'm gonna take that Friday off to be there and ask that the city PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE give me (and by association, us) back my old Welcome to Palm Springs sign, shown here. Tackytacky Mountain Gate can HAVE that new sign, and we can have the importantly groovy old sign. According to an article in the P-E, the old sign has been saved. If you would like to pursue this acquisition, please call or e-mail the city personnel who have signed the letter regarding the park: Lee Husfeldt, Director of Neighborhood and community Relations: 760-323-8255 Lee.Husfeldt@palmspring-ca.gov and/or Marcus Fuller, Assistant Director of Public Works/Assistant City Engineer: 760-323-8253 x 8744 Marcus.Fuller@palmsprings-ca.gov. What do the rest of you East-enders think?

Cedar Crook Inn?

The Desert Sun is reporting that popular Palm Springs restaurant The Cedar Creek Inn may be closing its doors this weekend — not due to the crummy economy, but rather as part of a widening tax evasion probe. Richard Wun Ping Sang, head of the SC Restaurants Inc. chain (which also included now-shuttered Palm Desert eateries Mallard's and The Inn On El Paseo) is already in jail awaiting arraignment on a 36-count complaint, so I'm guessing the case against him is rather compelling — and arrest warrants are pending for other family members. Car collectors should be on the lookout for the impending state auction of Sang's 1982 DeLorian...

Carole and I never ate at the Cedar Creek Inn (which apparently has no connection to other similarly-named joints in other parts of the California), so I can't comment on the food, but I always do enjoy watching corrupt rich folks go down. Memo to budding restaurateurs: Next time you apply for a bank loan, presenting yourself as a "restaurant legend" — and backing up the claim with fake tax forms and financial docs — probably isn't the best way to go.

Festival of Lights

Here's a photoset of the pics I took at last night's Festival of Lights Christmas parade on Palm Canyon Drive. It was appallingly paced — at one point, there was a good fifteen-minute gap between floats — but very charming and fun nonetheless; Carole and MJ and I enjoyed several cups of holiday cheer on the porch of Hamburger Mary's, and got well into the Yuletide spirit. Highlights included a trio of camels, a lights-strewn Builder's Supply truck, and several fine marching bands...

Back with a Bocce Ball

Okay, since MJ has threatened to de-list us from the Friday Fishwrap blogroll because of our lack of activity, I am hereby kicking this moribund blog back into gear; all other PS Swingers, I call upon you to do your duty as well! (You know who you are...)

The big news in the El Rancho Vista Estates neck o' the woods is that the city of Palm Springs is planning to use a $1.9 million Federal grant to somehow shoehorn a small park onto the narrow strip of land that runs between our neighborhood and Gene Autry Trail, a park that will come complete with bocce ball courts.

Yes, that's right — lawn bowling. I guess the city wanted something that would give golf a run for its money in the excitement department.